When I was reading this story, I struggled with whether the procedure was a good or bad thing. My feminist brain told me it was bad; no woman should have to get a surgery to love herself and her body, especially a surgery that renders her unable to eat properly. But on the other hand, the narrator seemed genuinely more happy after the procedure. She still had struggles, but she was a new, happier woman, and, honestly, I think a lot of women (myself included) can understand the decision she made and would actually make the same one.
It took me a while to realize that the procedure wasn’t about loving herself; it was about losing herself. She was proud to be a new woman, but that’s exactly what she was: completely new. She had become a cookie-cutter girl like her sisters. Sure, they were maybe happy, but they weren’t the people they used to be. She had lost the imprint of having a child on her body; she had lost her ability to eat food she loved and used to not be able to get enough of. Her comparison of her last meal to death row was very accurate. The girl she had been was going to die and become re-birthed as a barbie.
The part of her that fell away (the disembodied part I guess) was the part of her that was truly her. The scene of her kicking and screaming at it was her finally banishing what made her different and, in her mind, undesirable. It’s only at the end of the story, and the end of her life, that she realizes it wasn’t worth it and she should’ve loved and embraced every part of her body and life.
I totally agree about the idea of it being difficult to love yourself. And I think most women don’t love themselves until “the deed is done”. Yes, she was happy with her new and improved look, but at the end of her life, she realizes she made a mistake. I think this covers the lives of a lot of women. While it may not necessarily always be related to surgery, it can be other things women change in their lives.
When I was reading this, it seemed less fantastic than the other stories because of the reality aspects of it. At first, I did not think anything about her getting surgery, mostly because I believe that women should feel happy in their skin, even if they need work in order to obtain their goal. At the end of the story, I could definitely see the “shadow” as her past self that she had to live with. Maybe it was her daughter and her own insecurities of being a mother (or failing as a mother).